Boys to Men

Intrigued by something called the “men’s rights movement” I ordered some books by the activists of the movement (all by women, interestingly). Offering an alternative theory for why men are absent, aloof, and irresponsible, they claim men are not abandoning traditional responsibilities but are simply going “on strike”. The claim is that men are very logical, and if society says they are unnecessary or dangerous then they pull away from society into associations of gamers, perpetual bachelors, or simply unmotivated couch-potatoes (the last one is dealt with at length in Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men, by Dr. Leonard Sax). In Men on Strike, for example, Dr. Helen Smith explains that men are constantly bombarded with claims that they are lazy, stupid, and unnecessary, and we want them that way because in the past men basically caused all of the problems – tyrants, war-mongers, inquisitors, etc. No longer are they potential conquerors or wannabe heroes, but tamed village idiots. From preschool when they begin their flattening out to college when “their kind” becomes the enemy of all underdogs throughout history, they are sold the story that traditional masculinity, that thing they feel drawn to as if they were made that way, is enemy number one. I’m not sure I can get on board with the whole men’s’ rights movement, but they clearly have a point here. It is overwhelmingly clear that traditional characteristics of masculinity are simply not welcomed in society and are seen as actual dangers to social harmony. Boys typically become “trouble” the moment they get to school where their natural desire for competition, danger, and activity are suppressed. We just keep popping that little rambunctious mole on the head until it stays in its hole, and if he doesn’t, well, we have pills for that. But then in 15 years when he stays in the basement playing with “man-toys” we bemoan that he won’t come out and “man-up.” It is an atmosphere that strangles normal, healthy masculinity. That is, unless you see normal, healthy masculinity as a threat and danger – in that case it’s working just fine. Worse than public schools for masculinity is average Catholic parish USA. Public schools are graduating about 70% of their boys, but if we consider the most basic practice of Catholics, going to Mass, we’re only “graduating” about 30% (see Catholic Man-Crisis Fact Sheet). I’m no statistician, but I’m pretty sure that is not the model of sustainability. Like boys in school, the natural, good, masculine traits of men are not welcomed in average parish USA. I think it’s time we see this more clearly and not just blame men for not “manning up” in their faith. It’s not a “man” problem exactly, because the issues are not the same in other global religions or in the global East and South. It is a unique problem here. Religion is not losing men; Catholics in the West are losing men. So, as suggested by the men’s rights activists, maybe we should stop blaming men and start reflecting. In my experience I think there are four especially strong ways we’re making men unwelcome: - See more at:
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